trying to become somebody

And there it was.

A post of a respected colleague, spiritual seeker and friend. About his transformation from a fat, unhappy young man 7 years ago to the strong, well-built, resilient man he is now. And about how to build bodies of strength by having a healthy style of life.

And there was a picture - on the left the old version and on the right the new version of him. Since he has thousands of followers and is highly respected on social and beyond, his post drew a tremendous response. All of them showing respect and admiration for such a powerful transformation.

Reading his post, my body was responding, sensations of intense heat and restlessness found their way. Was it worry, was it anger? Yes, his words brought up feelings of worry and mild irritation, but mainly I could sense love. Love for all of us humans trying to be better, trying to fix ourselves, trying to become somebody. 

So I sat myself down and took the time to write a reply. Not blaming anyone or anything, but allowing all of us to take a pause and reflect on where we are and what truly brings us happiness.

“I’d like to add a few words to your post. Cause your readers might want to become like you, might want to transform themselves the way you did, or at least they might use a healthy lifestyle to fix themselves. And the whole Self Help Industry (as well as religion) is built upon Self Improvement: ‘Something is wrong with you and here is something to fix it’. 

The pitfall of doing the ‘right, healthy stuff’ in order to build bodies of resilience, strength, happiness and so on, is bypassing the shit that brought us the body of stress, anxiety and weakness. Bypassing the deeply rooted ideas, misalignments that make it so difficult to be with ourselves as we are. And change comes naturally if we are able to give loving space to our misalignments; change doesn’t come from the mind believing that change is needed (in essence nothing needs improvement anyway).

And beside that, showing an image of a ‘strong and beautiful’ body might encourage people to work towards that image, grasping to this new, better expression. In the end this will bind us and can be quite addictive, not only because it takes us away from the present moment and cause it doesn’t allow us to lovingly repair the misalignments, but also because it doesn't serve our underlying needs. The need for safety, the need to be loved, to be seen….

So does this mean we should not take care of our bodies? On the contrary, let’s take loving care of our precious bodies, for with our bodies we can perceive and experience life. Let’s tend our gardens, but without the grasping aspects, without working towards a certain outcome.”

Thank you for inspiring me to share these words.